Divorce is a stressful process for the adults. Imagine how your children feel?
So, regardless of how uncomfortable it may be, parents must speak to their children about a divorce.
Here are a few suggestions:
Make sure the decision is final. It’s unfair and too upsetting to children to tell them that you are thinking of divorce and contemplating separation.
Discuss it as a family. This means all children should be present and that both parents actively participate in the discussion. This is the first step in effective co-parenting.
Do not play the blame game. This means that neither parent will blame the other for the divorce or encourage children to pick sides. It also means that the children must be assured that they are in no way responsible for the break up. If the children feel guilt, reassure them there is nothing they could have done to prevent the divorce. Let them know it is not their fault. Repeat as necessary.
Do play Q and A. Allow the children to ask questions – as many as they want throughout the process. Some children may have plenty – others perhaps not. But always be receptive to their inquiries. Answer honestly in an age appropriate manner.
Seek professional help. This applies to parents and children alike. There are many options available to help families cope with divorce. These include mental health professionals, school counselors, workshops and seminars, divorce groups and family attorneys. Not every family will need outside support but these resources are often invaluable.