Contested child custody cases are easily the most emotional aspect of any divorce case. Sometimes custody litigation is unavoidable but it should never be about “winning.” There are no “winners” in extended custody battles.
Here are a few guidelines to achieve the best parenting plan for your child:
1. Understand the language. Unfortunately, some parents ask for something they do not even want. I see this a lot (too much) in my role as a guardian ad litem. For example, a parent demands “full custody” without a clear understanding of what it really means. Or they fail to appreciate the distinction between residential custody and legal custody. Or they fail to grasp that what the other parent is really asking for is pretty damn close to what they also want. So, familiarize yourself with the relevant terms and be clear on what you want for you child rather than what you think labels mean.
2. Be selfless not selfish. Your focus should be on what is the best for your child not what is best for you. Take a step back. With some effort just about any parent can put the animosity and b*##$%!& aside and think about what will make their child happy and promote their positive development. Then do it again.
3. Try to settle your case with the other parent. The vast majority of divorce and custody cases settle without proceeding to trial. Therefore, before involving judges and court appointed professionals, make a genuine effort at reaching an agreement concerning a Parenting Plan. This may require negotiation and compromise but parents are in superior position to know what the best arrangement for the child is. Leave it up to a judge or other professional and often both parents are dissatisfied with the outcome.
4. Play well with others. If there is no agreement on Parenting Plan, the court will usually elicit the help of various professionals. This may include a Family Relations Officer, a guardian ad litem, an attorney for the child or the appointment of a mental health expert. When dealing with any of these individuals be truthful about events and forthcoming with information. Accentuate your positives as parent. Explain why your Parenting Plan is best for your child. You can (and should) voice your concerns about the other parent but be careful about looking like you have an “agenda”. That always smells. Finally, listen to what these professionals recommend. Work with them; not against them.
Following these principles will significantly increase your chances at arriving at a Parenting Plan best suited for your child. A long custody dispute will have been averted. And your children will be the winners.